MODERN DATING: The Intro

A new year and a new mission. Last year, I decided to face the challenges of dating. What I have gained from these experiences are basic insights overlooked by many. Since there is so much to cover, and I am going to try to cover it all, this will be a mini series of sorts. This one will basically cover things that are affected by both the sexes when dating. Feelings felt, things done and said, and a certain thing that both sides definitely deal with. Then I will in further blogs, assess the dating world from both a male and females point of view.

So, let us begin this series by starting at the beginning. So, you think you may like someone and you would like to go out somewhere with them, maybe in an effort to get to know them better. It was once called courting, but we call it dating or just plain ol’ “going out”. In the hood, there seems to be a difference between dating and going out, but I have digressed.

So I want to address something felt by both sexes, felt by many people in the world. Astonishingly, many people in this world have a low self-esteem, and/or image problems. Even the people who front like they THINK they the shit… most often have deep-rooted self- esteem issues. If you do not believe me, look around and within yourself. Its’ all there!

This goes back to the formulation of fronts. A front is something put on by people who are mainly too scared to show who they truly are. This fear can be driven by many things, fear of rejection, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of getting hurt… the list goes on! Nevertheless, this is why fronts exist, mostly as defense mechanisms, and the like. People are too scared to show who they truly are… Period.

There are those who take their fronts too far though. These are the people who have come to believe their fronts. They emulate someone they would like to be, the person they dream of becoming. Yet, they are so stuck in that dream, that instead of progressing and BECOMING the person they front to be… They never do, and stay at square one… STILL fronting!

A word to those people, you are just as bad as a HATER, only because you share common characteristics. In essence, the reason why people hate on you, is mainly because they envy you, and jealousy is a mother fucker. Yet, instead of taking all that energy used to hate, and putting it towards positive, constructive ways to better themselves- they do not. All the energy used to hate and breed negativity, could be used to better yourself. And then maybe your ass wouldn’t be as miserable, and you wouldn’t have to hate on others, cuz you now got your own.

One last note on this issue… People need to mind their own fucking business. Seriously though. People fail or neglect their own issues cuz they’re so worried about what the next person is doing. Why are you so concerned with what is going on with other people? Well, it’s WAY more interesting than YOUR life- that’s for sure. Get a fucking life, and stop being so fucking nosey when it comes to matters that don’t concern you… This is anything and everything that doesn’t directly affect YOU. “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone”… This would be NONE OF YOU! Remember that! How you gunna call someone out for not having they shit in order, and talk shit about any issue; when in your life, you are facing the same issues and have no idea how to deal with it. Two words: C’MoN SoN!

Back to the dating extravaganza. So, there are these fronts, which most people have and put into play. The only thing is that some people live deeper in their fronts than others. The people who are off on the deep end, are the ones you should avoid. Don’t try to play Captain Save a Hoe, don’t try to play Ms. Fix-iT, these people CAN NOT be fixed by anyone aside from themselves. They put themselves in these holes, and they themselves must find their way out and truly discover who they are.

There is the initial meeting, or not, nowadays people are resorting to all types of methods for meeting new people. So there isn’t always that initial meeting before a date. But something I found interesting was the amount of people I ran into who exhibited self-esteem issues.

You may not want to believe it, but you too may have these issues. I do not believe I have ever met anyone who was 100% happy with who they are and what they have or will become. And anyone who has said so, was FRONTING! Deep down inside, everyone has issues, some more than others and when it comes to our relations with other people, shit gets fucked up pretty quickly because of how we feel about ourselves.

For instance, many people settle for less because they feel they are undeserving of more, or they really don’t think they can find anything better. This basically means to me, that YOU don’t think very highly of yourself. I see both men and women cope out and stay with people who don’t necessarily make them happy, but they don’t think there is anything better. And you are right, there ain’t shit better for you, if deep down inside, you think YOUR shit. Finding yourself and KNOWING who you truly are is a journey we all must take if we ever want to be at peace with ourselves and our decisions in life. How are you going to choose a suitable mate, if you are so disillusioned that you believe you are someone you are not. It ain’t fucking happening.

What is crazy though is that the very way we feel about OURSELVES has a major impact on who we are with and date. One thing that both sexes have to deal with is REJECTION. Sure in essence women certainly do not have to deal with it as much, but most women aren’t secure enough in themselves to know this. Men and women both have instances where they won’t approach someone JUST because of how the person looks. Men are scared to holla at that bad bitch, women are scared to holla at Mr. Sexy… All because they aren’t secure enough to take the risk and say fuck it!

Let me let you in on a secret… The sexy people of the world are broken down into 2 categories… The ones who got it and know they got it… And the ones who got it and have NO idea. What was interesting is that, I would say 70%, of people who look good have self image issues. Most people that look good, also suffer from self-esteem issues. As a result, they usually aren’t gunna holla at anyone, cuz they are insecure. And on the flip side, no one holla’s at them because they don’t think they are good enough, they get intimidated cuz the person looks good and fear rejection… You know where that gets you? NOWHERE.

This is how the world turns unfortunately. I like to break people down into certain categories. There are the Alpha’s, the Submissive's and then there’s everyone else. Later on I’ll discuss how each of these categories dates and how they get along in society. But for now, know that the Alpha’s are mainly the people who are secure enough in themselves, that when they date, they are almost immune to the bullshit the opposite sex tries to pull, in order to gain control of the situation. The Submissive’s are people who are easily swayed and taken over… No fight necessary… They usually just let you run they shit… These people usually have deeply rooted mommy/daddy issues. Then there is everyone else, which is the majority of the population. Now the thing with everyone else though is that they are usually at odds with one another over CONTROL of the situation. It seems to me that nowadays, it’s all about control, who controls what and who controls who. This is where the games ensue and take place, it is where they derive from.

Back to dating, so you meet someone and have secured the first date. Let me tell your ass where NOT to go: the movies, dinner, a bar, a club, or anywhere else where you can’t have a quiet and private conversation with your date. A proper first date should be going for coffee, or ice cream, or going to the park or a museum or art gallery… Somewhere public that is quiet enough for you two to converse. Sure, people get wrapped up in the bullshit, especially women with their high maintenance shit… But seriously, the first date is IMPORTANT, it is your first time out and about together.

What people neglect is that on a first date- talking should NOT be optional! This is how you get to know a person, and it’s what you SHOULD want to do. So many people waste time, energy and effort into dates, when it should be very simple. A conversation with that person is what should be the most important part of your date, not where they are taking you or what you are doing. This is an area where people throw simplicity out the window, not knowing that simplicity will take you farther than trying to make shit all complicated.

A first date should be short, sweet and cheap! YES, I said cheap! I honestly say this because I see so many people splurge on a first date- for nothing. Fellas, save your guap for the 3rd date. If a chick has made it to a 3rd date, then you can take her somewhere nice. But don’t spend all your money on a bitch the first time around, mainly because, MOST bitches aren’t worth it! Seriously though, why spend all your money on someone you barely know? And a lot of the times it doesn’t even work out. So dudes watch your wallets, unless you can afford to ball out, cuz nowadays we got bitches being Dinner Whores. Which means, she will only call you when she wanna go out, and always makes you pay… And at the end of the day, you NEVER get to really play! Lol… Ain’t that Fucked Up?

A first date should be used to try to REALLY get a person and where they are coming from. The shit I hate about that though, is that SO MANY PEOPLE lie their asses off on a first date or any date, period. This is usually all fronting and they are doing so in hopes of impressing you. Both men and women do it, and in turn, you NEVER get to really know who that person is- that’s the worse part. You get to know who it is they PORTRAY themselves to be, but who are they really? That is to be discovered with time.

What REALLY grinds my gears is that you spend all this time and effort into getting to know someone and all they were doing the whole time is fronting. This is where you gotta check yourself and do some self evaluations and find out what YOU are fronting about in an effort to understand people more. What do you front about? Do you even know? Do you know what is reality and what is fabricated? Many people don’t know and are so stuck in their fronts that they can’t decipher reality from what they have fabricated.

People need to turn to simplicity. Shit CAN be oh so simple… if you just let it happen. If you stopped trying to impress others, if you stopped caring what others thought, if you just let yourself be who you truly are- for once. It amazingly is EASIER to tell the truth and to be REAL, than it is to lie and create an entire front. This is time that could be used to do more constructive things, like, I dunno, maybe actually getting yourself where you want to be in life.

So, what have we learned today? Most people have self-esteem issues, so don’t be scared to holla at something sexy, chances are they have the same issues you do… So grow some balls and make an initiative and go talk to them. First dates are IMPORTANT! They should be cheap and you should be conversing vigorously. Yes, people front and lie like their lives depend on it, but every person makes a difference, so STOP FRONTIN! (I need to get that shit printed on a t-shirt, like the Stop Snitchin ones lol)… As people we attract those who are reflections of ourselves, and real talk- REAL ALWAYS RECOGNIZES REAL… you just have to look past all the bullshit and lies to be able to know and appreciate what something REAL looks like.

Until Next Time Kiddies… Stay tuned for the male and female perspectives in the dating world… This should be fun ;)